The Ballad of Edgardo (Curmudgeons and Dragons Replay)

WEBVTT

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Hello adventurers. The podcast role players
and game masters to help level up your

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game. I am your dungeon master, Jason Portiso, and today we are

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going to continue with some greatest hits
replays from our previous show Curmudgeons and Dragons.

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This episode was a ton of fun
to record. The host roster at

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the time was myself Jim Crocker,
who you all know, one of my

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longtime friends, Josie Diz and her
DM Greg Genovas. I had just moved

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into my new home and we hadn't
built my home studio yet and Josie just

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happened to be in town in between
semesters from her school in England, so

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we had all met at my new
place to record around my dining room table,

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like podcast thing was meant to be. It was awesome. I believe

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this was the last in a series
of several episodes that we recorded in that

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session. So this replay episode is
the first time we tried it in RPG.

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Classic story something we did even on
this show with the Absurd Story which

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if you hadn't heard that one is
a muscless and it was hysterical. So

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this is a story that made its
way around four Chan and dig and read

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it and all the usual spots,
and every time it comes up, I

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have to reread it. It's written
in that strange four Chan green tech style.

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But despite that, it's a well
told story of a game gone wrong

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where the underdogs uproot the corrupt system
by turning its own tricks against it.

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In the end, absolute all timer
classic. But before we get into that,

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I just want to throw the disclaimer
out there that we like to keep

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Hello Adventurers as a clean show,
but Curmudgeons and Dragons was not. So

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this episode was marked explicit in your
podcast player just for some language. So

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if you like to listen with your
kids, maybe check this one out on

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your on first. But otherwise,
please enjoy this replay of our retelling of

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the Ballad of Edgardodor. Sometimes talking
with friends feels like role playing, sometimes

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it feels like combat. Join us
at the round table and roll initiative.

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This is Curmudgeons and Dragons. Hello
Adventurers. So first of all, I'm

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Jason Portizo. I'm here today with
Josie Diaz. With Josie Diaz. Oh

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that's my cue. Hello, there
we go. Great you Novus, I

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did not miss my queue. Well, Pina Rose on your nose, you

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stupid bitch. I will Jim is
missing his cue because he's still at Origins.

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He's been there for weeks. I
know. Josie Gregor is still in

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my house. We're recording my my
dining room table so until I can build

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my studio. So there were five
Wednesdays this month weird, and so my

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rotation was getting thrown off. So
I was trying to think of what to

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do for the fifth week special.
And we're going to try. We're going

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to see how this works, and
if you guys like it, please send

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us an email or just comment on
something. Let us know somehow whether you

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like this idea or not. But
so we've done horror stories, We've done

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wholesome stories. I'm just going to
do a story. This is really neither

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good nor bad. This is just
like a classic RPG story. It's been

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all over the internet for years.
I have not only read this story before,

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but I've watched videos of other people
reading this story before, just because

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I love this story so much.
And when I found out that greg and

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Josie didn't know this story, I
was so happy to be able to tell

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them. So we're just going to
read through the Ballad of Edgardo, and

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it sort of reads like the epic
of Gilbert and some of you might know

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what I'm even talking about and know
how crazy this story is. It's great.

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So the format for today is I'm
just going to read the story as

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it is, pretty verbatim, and
anytime you guys have some sort of you

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know, anything you want to add
to the story, anything you want to

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any comments to you, or if
you want to just discuss part of it,

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We're just gonna just react as we
go. Okay, so I can

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do that. Don't feel like you
need to wait for your turn. Don't

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do we ever, Josie, try
to try to get I will attempt.

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I will make the attempt. Yeah, I will try to be annoying.

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Okay, mine? So uh.
The other disclaimer is that this is written

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in four chan green text style,
so it's a little funny to read.

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Uh, it's gonna sound a little
weird. But this is a long one,

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so I'm going to just dive right
into this. So you guys ready

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for this. This is the Ballad
of Edgardo. Get a hankering from some

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RP or roleplay cruise a couple forums. Something catches my eye. Some kind

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of weird combination of stuff from Dragon
Ball, z Gurin Logan, Avatar,

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Last Airbender, and a few other
themes from different shows basically and a movie

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game. Honestly, kind of a
cool setting after reading it. Superpower does

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wander around doing their own thing,
having adventures and trying to stop evil shadows

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from consuming the world. Looks cool, sign up and start making a character.

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Characters had attributes, strength, speed, the usual shit traits, and

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powers chosen from a big list,
and Spirit, which we use for doing

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cool shit, had a certain number
of points to spend on attributes max strength

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and put someone to speed endurance.
And a couple in Charm wanted to try

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a brawler type of guy. I'll
get to why that idea is a bad

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one later. I mean, if
it's anime logic, you want to go

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brawler, That's what I thought.
Yeah, the hulking Bruiser is always just

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like a cool like There always the
fun characters for sure in those kind of

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games too. I think it's just
fun to be like ZANGI even just walk

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around bunch of people. M I
do it all the time. Look at

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Spirit rules before picking powers, because
I want to do as much cool shit

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as possible as you do. Spend
spirit to activate powers. Different powers modified

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how spirit worked and gave it an
element alignment which modified damage and other crap.

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Basically, let you spend one point
of spirit to give five points a

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fire damage. Neat so pretty close
to uh weigh the elements monk from what

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I'm from what I'm hearing, and
I'm trying to equivocate to a five E.

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I don't know if it's directly like
that, because like spending one okay

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spirit, it's kind of like key
I guess, yeah. Yeah. There

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was also a raw Spirit, which
had no modifier, but also no elemental

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alignment and couldn't be resisted. Less
bang for your buck, but could be

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useful. Raw Spirit could also be
used to raise the stat temporarily, but

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the higher the stat, the more
spirit you had to spend. Spirit had

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a cap depending on your attributes.
At lower levels, it was pretty low,

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like ten or twenty. If you
got lucky with my stat layout,

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I had five awesome look through the
powers list to see if I can unscrew

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my character. Browse through the list. Pretty basic stuff throw fire, control,

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shadows, frost breath whatever. Also
mundane powers like sword fighting and free

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running. Choose unarmed combat right the
bat, because I want to punch people.

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Still a bad idea. Unarmed combat
is so underutilized in RPG's in general.

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Yeah, yeah, there is a
very cool like third party five D

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class made by like one of the
I can't remember off the top of my

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head who has and I don't have
it in front of me. Some guy

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or group that makes pretty good third
party content, and they kind of modified

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the Monk class into the Pugilist.
Oh yeah, and it's I want to

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play this so bad it looks awesome. My pro wrestler character that I made

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by by making a barge burying is
basically already in the Pugilist doing all the

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things that I wanted him to do
without having a multi class in split.

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But that's another one for another time. Keep looking see something interesting tucked the

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way in the list overflowing spirit pretty
expensive points wise for a simple power,

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but my eyes lit up at what
it did. Removes the spirit cap plus

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some other crap which I glanced over
at the time, but more on that

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in a bit. It's like,
oh fuck, now, that's pretty abusable.

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Figure Everyone takes it, so I
take it too. Take battle,

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cry for a spirit buff and to
blow the last the last of my power

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points. Character pretty much done.
Name him Edgardo because it sounded cool at

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the time, still does. Ready
to go at Gardo. The brawler sets

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ount on his quest to do whatever
that sounds like a Texan luchador name.

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Yeah, it's a good one.
I think it's fun. It's a little

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little Edgar, little Eduardo Edgardo,
and you have to say that just fucking

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ridiculous enough to work. I will
from now I will only be saying it

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in a in a Matador accent.
Yes, Mayamo Edgardo starting the central town

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where everyone else hangs out, introduce
myself. Describe him as hot blooded,

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hot tempered, courageous and always itching
for adventure. Honestly, pretty flat character.

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But whatever I thought, I thought
he was okay. Promptly get laughed

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at for making such a naive and
low brow character. Apparently everyone has made

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brute anti heroes who sit in dark
corners and don't really do much of anything.

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I swear that Tavern had to be
some kind of eighth dimensional shape because

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everyone was in their own fucking corner
away from everyone else. The side note.

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My inspiration for reading the story to
you guys was a note that Jim

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had in Our Tavern's episode about the
Aragorn scene and like everybody wants to be

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the brooding ranger, like tucked away
in a corner, and I'm like,

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oh yeah, there's like one hundred
corners in the fucking bar. And I

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remember this story because of that line. So Tavern had to be some kind

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of eighth dimensional shape where everyone was
in their own fucking corner. But the

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last straw came from some asshole drinking
his wine at the bar. At Gardo

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is such a stupid name anyway,
who those are fighting work? Noo.

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See this is why you don't make
fun of characters' names. Yeah, all

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right, we have two stories about
that. Now the story continues, and

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I quote motherfuck exactly. Edgard,
though, did not walk in here to

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be mocked by a bunch of trench
coat wearing pricks that are trying to be

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edgier than a goddamn razor blade factory, take a swing and quickly discover that

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I'm well and truly but fucked.
Apparently, unarmed combat was hosed from the

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start, as fifts don't do shit
against even the lightest armor and don't get

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damage multipliers. Fantastic. I blow
a spirit point just to get past his

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armor do single digit damage. Fucker
laughs and stands up. Care to try

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again, you pathetic wench? Yes, yes I would, Sorry you pathetic

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wretch. Sorry not you, Josie. Oh well, then my response means

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nothing. I yield my time,
sir, thank you, use battle cry.

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Can't think of anything, so I
just go with BUNSI why not incredible

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and use the rest of my spirit
points nothing. He dodges, draws his

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sword and gives an eye rolling disappear
before he blasts me out of the tavern

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with sword Lightning. Whatever the fuck
He spends one spirit for that and I

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nearly get one shot, even with
a good amount of endurance. Fucking what.

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So already this game is like way
unbalanced. Yeah, it's already a

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shit show. So only Eldridge Knights, that's it. Yep, that's all.

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That's all, and rogues with also
Eldridge powers. Yeah. So while

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I'm bleeding out on the side of
the road, I take the time to

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browse some of the characters. First
up is sword Lightning, asshole, basically

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the same level he's got swords end
lightning in his asshole. No, you

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pick one or the other. You
don't basically the same level as me,

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but better in every way. Powers
are better, higher spirit, good stats.

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More my fault, really, because
I fucked the character creation brows more

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characters. Notice something no one has, overflowing spirit. No one ask why.

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Turns out that if you make a
decent character, you have more than

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enough spirit to do whatever the fuck
you want. Even the highest level characters

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only have about one hundred cap and
it's rare to get even halfway down in

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a normal fight. And then there
was the part that I skipped over overflowing

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spirit prevented you from taking elemental powers. You're basically stuck using your raw spirit,

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which was shit. Elemental spirit had
damage modifiers so high that even if

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you resisted it, you still took
a good amount of damage. Nido Burrito

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Edgardough was basically useless against everything.
Since I was screwed, I pm the

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mod to see if I can make
a new character that wasn't crippled beyond belief.

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Lol, deal with it. You
made it, you play it.

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That's so kind of shitty, but
you know you made your bed, did

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you pay for this game, like, just like, just start a new

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just be like. Oh no,
I've tripped over a rock and I just

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somehow managed to land on a stick
that one through my eye and through my

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brain and now I'm dead. Looks
like I've got a new character. I

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just got mad with Jim's out here, so I'll say a form rocks fell.

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I died. Yeah, yep,
I got. I just got mad

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at Injustice again for how they treated
Dick Grayson. So recap everyone's pretentious fuckquad,

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the mods don't give a shit,
and Edgard, though, is beyond

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worthless. Great start pick myself out
of the dirt and limp away to get

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myself healed. Nope, I was
broke, so I couldn't get shit.

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I had to sit my hands down
and wait to heal naturally, which would

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take days. Fuck that, I'm
already tired of the shit, So I

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attempt to steal a potion. No, I was gonna say, I can

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already feel that going wrong. Yeah, enter Militant zero spelled x E R

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zero. Oh no, yes,
that was his name. He plays as

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like cringe too. That's in the
story. He played a little too much.

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Kingdom Hearts or Mega man or a
Meghan omnipotent Karen nipotent character number forty

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seven eighty two could do anything he
wanted because he'd been with the role play

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the longest. I also suspect that
he's sucked the headman stick, but whatever,

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that has nothing to do with anything. Just listen, Hey, what

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are you doing? Your off times
up to you, dick Sucking privileges are

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a real thing with bad GLMs.
Right teleport to me instantly. I can't

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do shit because I'm basically dead on
my feet. Lift me into the air

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with magic psychic bullshit, so I
can't even run. He starts going on

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a long speech about crime and how
evil doers should be punished and how he's

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the best and blah blah blah.
Then he gives me an ultimatum. Beg

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me for mercy, and I might
just let you stay in this town.

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Time to brat, otherwise I'll throw
you to the shadows. Time to brat.

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Fuck no Edgard, though it does
not beg struggle, swear, spit,

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00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:33.519
and basically do everything I can to
do anything to get out of this.

203
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Nope, I get thrown through the
roof of the building. I get

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00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:39.039
thrown Nope. I get thrown through
the roof of the building I was in

205
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and soar all the way out into
the wilderness. Well, I'm dead.

206
00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:48.639
Fortunately, newbies get one free revive
I cash mine in. This guy is

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determined. I appreciate his determination.
It's incredible. At a certain point,

208
00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:56.480
you just gotta be O this game's
socks's let's see what happens. Yeah.

209
00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:58.679
Also, must be nice to have
the much time on your hands and play

210
00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:01.759
side games. I wish I had
that much time. Like you know,

211
00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:07.120
this is the high schooler by how
much free time he has zero gets super

212
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:09.639
fucking butt mad about it, says
I'm dead for good because he says so,

213
00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:13.720
and when call him out of this
bullshit, immediately get shot down by

214
00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:18.200
everyone in the community. Suddenly I'm
the bad guy for trying to steal and

215
00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:22.200
picking a fight. Yeah, okay, mods, calm everyone down. Say

216
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:26.080
I'm alive with one health in the
wilderness. Last bit of charity I'm getting.

217
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:30.360
I won't even survive the night.
But then I met a guy called

218
00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:35.559
Squid. We love guys folk Squid. I've never met a bad person named

219
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.759
squid now. Also, his name
is all capitals, so it's a it's

220
00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:41.480
a proper noun. So it's like
a trip called quest. You say the

221
00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:46.799
whole thing right. Beast Folk were
a thing so people could have cat girls

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00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:50.120
and wolfmen and shit like that.
Fuck Yeah, a guy called Squid was

223
00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:54.360
well part squid, literally just a
big muscly dude with a squid for a

224
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:56.840
head. And yes, his full
name was a guy called squid, and

225
00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:00.519
he insisted that everyone called him that. Told you it's like fishy Steve,

226
00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:03.759
pretty cool dude, ran into the
same troubles I did. Was a punchy

227
00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:07.759
guy like myself, but he punched
people with fire, helped me out,

228
00:16:07.879 --> 00:16:11.639
shared a potion, and was generally
a bro. We both decided to stick

229
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:15.399
together and train out here because we
both needed to get a lot stronger before

230
00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:18.200
we headed back into the town.
It wasn't going to be nearly that easy.

231
00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:22.320
Got some nighttime me and Squid.
Sorry, this is the opemide,

232
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:26.519
the mistake not made. Being a
guy called Squid set up camp in a

233
00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:30.080
cap so suddenly shadows because mod bullshit
and Zero whined enough that I was still

234
00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:33.000
alive. I was still pretty fucked
up, but I could hold my own

235
00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:37.360
and Squid was in perfect shape.
Still, we barely survived mainly because Squid's

236
00:16:37.399 --> 00:16:41.360
fire damage was beastly. We both
agreed that we wouldn't survive another fight like

237
00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:44.559
that, so we high tailed it
out of there and back to the town.

238
00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:48.519
Yeah, no, invisible force field
prevented us from getting back in.

239
00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:52.279
I wasn't surprised. There's a lot
of like six year old energy in this

240
00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:56.480
game. Yeah, this is like, there's a force field. Me my

241
00:16:56.559 --> 00:17:00.759
name is Zero. Looked at the
map, found the nearby town, the

242
00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:03.440
hole up. It take a couple
of days to get there, though,

243
00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.480
and we were both out of supplies. Neither of us saw any other way,

244
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:10.640
so we got to walking ed guarded
though, and a guy called Squid.

245
00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:14.119
Just the two guys on the road
to adventure or the road to not

246
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:18.880
dying horribly and somehow getting petty revenge. But whatever, petty revenge is a

247
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:22.759
great plot hook. Yeah, I'm
fine with it, or revenge should be

248
00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:26.319
petty. Normally, when people traveled, there were random events that can either

249
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:27.559
be good or bad for you.
It was up to how much the mods

250
00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:32.960
liked you. Really, the mods
didn't like Squid or Edgardo. If we

251
00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:34.640
got something good, they'd find some
way to take it from us. We

252
00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:37.319
saved the lady from bandits on the
first day, and by that I mean

253
00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:41.079
we kicked the bandits in the balls, grabbed the lady, and ran like,

254
00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:45.759
hell, amazing fun. You saved
the lady. Did you accomplish the

255
00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:52.880
task? Then it did great.
That night, she prisoned Shank, Squid

256
00:17:52.039 --> 00:17:56.880
took the little shit we had gathered
and bailed. When I tried the chaser,

257
00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:00.920
she poofed gone, Nido burrito holes. These mods sound like a bunch

258
00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:03.359
of dicks, right, Yeah,
I'm starting to think the mods are the

259
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:08.960
bad guys in the story. It
sucks when you have a very very cool

260
00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:15.079
setting and everyone in it it's just
a piece of shit. Yep. I

261
00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:17.799
really don't know why we kept going
after that. It was obvious we were

262
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:19.680
unwonted, so we really should have
just quit. I think we were both

263
00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:22.680
waiting on the other to give them
first. I didn't want to admit defeat,

264
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:26.200
and I knew Squid didn't want to
either. We just had the press

265
00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:30.200
on no matter what. Even when
we met sword fighting guy again, it

266
00:18:30.200 --> 00:18:33.680
had been a few days on the
road and we kept getting shit on wolves

267
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.160
Rain another shadow attack. Still don't
know how we lived, but we scrapped

268
00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:42.799
by either by running the FuG away
or through sheer luck in winning a fight.

269
00:18:45.240 --> 00:18:47.599
One more day of traveling and we'd
be at the village. We were

270
00:18:47.640 --> 00:18:49.359
so close that we could taste it. But then the dick from the tavern

271
00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:52.720
showed up blocking the road. Never
mind how he got ahead of us,

272
00:18:53.160 --> 00:18:57.039
but he was, and we had
to take it. I mean, horses

273
00:18:57.119 --> 00:19:02.240
exist. No, it reminds me
of the Emperor's new groove. By able

274
00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:07.200
accounts, by peer logic, it
doesn't make any sense. Shout out to

275
00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:11.559
my boy Kronk. Well, well
if it isn't the wretch from the tavern,

276
00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:17.960
and he picked himself up aside dish
too. No, that just feels

277
00:19:18.039 --> 00:19:21.359
gross. I don't like it.
Squid doesn't to take a hike and let

278
00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:23.440
us through. But this is a
toll road. You'll have to pay me

279
00:19:23.480 --> 00:19:29.359
to pass. Let's say one thousand
gold. Oh, I've played this in

280
00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:33.960
Skyrim. I do. This is
fuck it? What tellbody's full of shit

281
00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:36.640
and nobody has that much money.
It's like, oh, what a shame.

282
00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:41.200
Then you'll have to pay with your
lives. He pulls a sword in

283
00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:44.680
blast Squid, who somehow powers throw
it. This gives me a chance to

284
00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:47.920
get up close and well, we've
established I can't do funk all against this

285
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.039
guys. I'm banged up pretty good
at fist. Don't do shit. Only

286
00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:56.039
thing I have left is spirit,
a metric as ton of spirit. See,

287
00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:59.839
as we were training, I was
hoarding points, well, not intentionally.

288
00:19:59.880 --> 00:20:02.599
I gain some every day like everyone
else, And every time Squid and

289
00:20:02.680 --> 00:20:04.519
I killed something, we got a
little bit more. Squid was spending his

290
00:20:04.599 --> 00:20:08.279
spirit left and right. I wasn't. And since I had overflowing spirit,

291
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:11.480
I had a lot more points than
I had any right to at my level.

292
00:20:12.079 --> 00:20:15.759
Even if raw spirit was crap,
A lot of crap could still wreck

293
00:20:15.799 --> 00:20:21.440
someone's deck edgard though, had a
chance, a slim chance, a slim

294
00:20:21.559 --> 00:20:26.640
chance, but it was better than
nothing. Bonzai Bat'll cry and use all

295
00:20:26.680 --> 00:20:30.559
of that spirit. Crowdchurn uppercut sword
guy doesn't give a shit, actually laughs

296
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.640
in my face and doesn't even make
an attempt to dodge. You're kidding,

297
00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:38.839
right, We've been through this.
You can't hurt me. I'm actually like,

298
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:44.799
that's how he spelled, is u
f u F I think I'm doing

299
00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:48.799
a pretty good job reading his laugh. Okay, you really are You're the

300
00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:52.599
only one laughing asshole. My fist
connects with his chin, and so does

301
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:56.000
all of that raw spirit didn't do
nearly as much dame as as an elemental

302
00:20:56.039 --> 00:20:57.759
attack would, but it was still
enough to knock him on his ass,

303
00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:00.880
which gave Squid the perfect set up. He jumped on sword Guy and blew

304
00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:04.440
all his spirit too. Where once
there had been a face, there was

305
00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:08.920
now a smoking crater o. Sword
Guy died and to two underdogs to boot.

306
00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:12.480
Predictably, he pitched a bitch fit, and so did the rest of

307
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:17.119
the players. We were murderers and
outlaws and generally horrible, horrible people for

308
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:19.880
deciding not to deal with the bullshit
anymore. Me and Squid didn't give a

309
00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:25.759
single fuck. We are right,
Yeah, we earned our first actual victory.

310
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:27.559
Sure we were nearly dead, defenseless, and still had to make it

311
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:30.920
to the village, but we won. Things were looking up at least for

312
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:33.759
a little while, and we still
had to worry about Zero and his crap.

313
00:21:34.359 --> 00:21:37.519
Zero was some kind of king or
tyrant or overlord or whatever, and

314
00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:41.240
this village was in his little authority
zone. So when we finally arrived at

315
00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:45.240
the village, guess what special surprise
is waiting for us. I bet at

316
00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:48.960
zero being a shithead Guards. If
you guess invisible, immune to everything,

317
00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:52.640
force Field, congratulations, give yourself
a gold star. I'm going to take

318
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:55.759
the gold star anyway, if that's
all right with you, You're just going

319
00:21:55.759 --> 00:22:00.440
to take it online to him,
and for good measure. He teleports in

320
00:22:00.519 --> 00:22:03.039
and taunts us, saying he'll follow
us until we're broken and mad and shut

321
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:08.559
the fuck up already, he cackles
and ports away. Squid falls to his

322
00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:12.680
knees. He's had enough. We
came all this way all for nothing.

323
00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:17.119
Sure, we beat someone, but
he'd be reis and in perfect health the

324
00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:19.680
next day. So what do we
do now? Squid was ready to quit.

325
00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:26.759
That Guard wouldn't have it. We'll
train, Squid. We train.

326
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:32.920
I want some music from Rocky playing
right, Yeah, I want a montage

327
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:37.799
right here. Training montage, you
guys are a part two. Yeah,

328
00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:41.599
there's only two parts, and by
parts, I mean like it was split

329
00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:42.519
up left and right. So that
was the left half. Now now we're

330
00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:45.119
on the right hand of the front. That's what I have. Way through.

331
00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:48.599
We hiked up a nice grassy hill
near the village and then proceeded to

332
00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:52.759
beat the ever loving crap out of
each other. Whenever you got into a

333
00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:55.440
fight, you got a couple of
points towards leveling, win or lose.

334
00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:59.720
The only problem is that most characters
couldn't spar against one another, as they'll

335
00:22:59.799 --> 00:23:04.119
kill each other pretty much immediately.
Elemental attacks and weapons combined had huge damage

336
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:08.279
multipliers, so sparring would quickly end
up with people dead. We didn't have

337
00:23:08.319 --> 00:23:11.920
any weapons, and unarmed combat was
a days of whaling on someone to actually

338
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:15.200
kill them. The only reason Squid
was all right was because of his firepower,

339
00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:18.039
so as long as we didn't use
any spirit, we could beat each

340
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:21.559
other. Silly, pass out,
wait a while to heal, and do

341
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:26.720
it all over again. Amazing.
It was stupid, it was cheesy,

342
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:30.680
and it pissed everyone off, but
it fucking worked the way to actually legitimately

343
00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:37.000
rope a dope an entire setting.
Yeah, some said that the Shadows would

344
00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:38.960
attack us, but we were just
close enough to the village that they couldn't.

345
00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:42.319
I'm still not sure why Zero or
even the mods let us get away

346
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:45.920
with this shit. I guess they
didn't see it as anything to actually be

347
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:49.200
worried about. Eventually we leveled up
through it was a slow process, and

348
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:52.400
there were better ways of leveling,
but this was all we had. Plus

349
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:56.480
it gave me another fuck ton of
spirit points and guarded though pumped up strength

350
00:23:56.599 --> 00:24:00.839
first and evenly distributed the rest,
got a power to double the rate at

351
00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:06.200
which he gained spirit per day.
I had a plan. Squid just buffed

352
00:24:06.200 --> 00:24:07.880
his fire stats. It was a
good way to go. Now we just

353
00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:12.480
had to find somewhere to rest up
properly, somewhere to regroup. We couldn't

354
00:24:12.519 --> 00:24:15.559
just stay and whale on each other
for another level. We had gotten lucky

355
00:24:15.559 --> 00:24:18.720
the first time, but now there
was talk of a few players jumping us.

356
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:22.480
We had to move. Neither of
us knew where the hell we were

357
00:24:22.480 --> 00:24:23.960
going or what we were doing.
We just hit the road and tried to

358
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:27.480
get as far away from zero and
everyone else as we could. The mods

359
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:30.359
fucked with us for the first couple
of days, but eventually they got bored

360
00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:33.799
and left us alone. Sometimes they
throw a few shadows our way, but

361
00:24:33.799 --> 00:24:37.240
it was nothing we couldn't handle.
Random events just stopped happening for us.

362
00:24:37.480 --> 00:24:41.400
I think it was mainly due to
us not really bugging anyone anymore. We

363
00:24:41.400 --> 00:24:44.200
were doing our own thing, so
everyone just kind of forgot about us,

364
00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:48.680
except Zero. Somebody's got a fucking
then dead up. Yep, he was

365
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.000
still mighty pissy about me living this
long. I had no idea what his

366
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.119
deal was. Maybe he was just
the challenge to his authority that I represented,

367
00:24:56.559 --> 00:24:59.920
or maybe he was just a colossal
prick. It also might have been

368
00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:07.799
one of those dual character situations.
The sword guy might have been like Zero's

369
00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:11.799
other character. Maybe maybe I'm going
with the colossal perk theory. You know

370
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:17.119
what, there's no reason those theory
solid theory just a dick. There's no

371
00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:21.119
reason those two theories can't live in
twine. Yeah, what is it?

372
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:23.359
Don't attribute to malice. We could
attribute to just being the colossal prick because

373
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:26.119
of how it goes. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure either way. Either way.

374
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:29.920
Once we left his authority zone or
whatever, he sent one of his

375
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:32.880
lackeys after us. A quick look
at his character sheet, and I knew

376
00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:37.759
just how much Zero hated us.
His name was Golden harl and the dude

377
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:41.960
was basically invincible. Magic armor let
him resist all elements massively. Plus it

378
00:25:42.039 --> 00:25:45.880
was super late so he could fly
around and do his ninja flippy shit.

379
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:49.599
He could heal himself completely by spending
a couple of spirit, and his spirit

380
00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:53.079
refreshed basically whenever he wanted it to. It was official. The monster just

381
00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:56.640
didn't give a shit. Oh,
and we were screwed too. All we

382
00:25:56.680 --> 00:26:00.440
could do is keep going forward and
hope he didn't catch up to us.

383
00:26:00.759 --> 00:26:03.599
He did, and damn quick too. He met us while we were traveling

384
00:26:03.599 --> 00:26:07.279
along a gorge and promptly tried to
knock me over the side. Golden Horror

385
00:26:07.319 --> 00:26:17.160
wasn't fucking around. No words only
pain, No words only pain. I

386
00:26:17.799 --> 00:26:25.000
not so desperately for Golden Horral to
actually have said no words. It's the

387
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:29.160
first half of what he said.
Greg was no words, but I think

388
00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:33.680
he said it. It's funnier if
he did say I'll say it more ominously.

389
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:40.400
Golden Horror wasn't fucking around, no
words only pain. He meant business

390
00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:45.279
better. Yes, that's my damn
voice of good m M. I barely

391
00:26:45.319 --> 00:26:48.599
managed to dodge him, which was
of course met with public outcry, but

392
00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:51.960
I was dangerously close to the edge. Squid tried to fire punch with a

393
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:55.200
couple of spirit behind it, no
cell, and Golden Horral got a free

394
00:26:55.200 --> 00:27:00.079
counter attack, because fuck you,
he's Golden Horrl. Squid is knocked down,

395
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:03.920
but it gave me an opening.
I grabbed Golden Horl by his waist

396
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:06.680
and gave him a souplex. My
high strength let me get in a few

397
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:08.880
points of damage and it put me
in a better position. It didn't really

398
00:27:08.920 --> 00:27:11.319
matter, though, as he was
back up and fully healed the second later.

399
00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:15.079
I helped Squid up, but we
pretty much were already dead. Golden

400
00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:25.559
Horral finally spoke up any last words, sucked my dick an he last words

401
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:32.440
Bondzi. The fucker was wide open
and his back was at the edge of

402
00:27:32.440 --> 00:27:34.880
the cliff too. Oh. A
quick PM to Squid was all it took,

403
00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:38.799
and the quick plan went off like
clockwork. Squid ran diversion, going

404
00:27:38.839 --> 00:27:42.000
high for a fire punch to the
face. Golden Harral didn't bother to dodge.

405
00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:45.599
He was invincible, after all.
He forgot one thing. Raw spirit

406
00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:52.000
can't be resisted. Yes, Edgard
though went in for a gut punch,

407
00:27:52.119 --> 00:27:53.799
but with all that built up spirit
from training in the road, it wasn't

408
00:27:53.880 --> 00:27:57.039
enough to kill Golden Harral, not
by a loan shot. But it wasn't

409
00:27:57.079 --> 00:28:03.400
enough to knock him backwards, and
that last step was a doozy Golden Harrow

410
00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:06.440
fell down into the canyon, and
we only stayed long enough to hear the

411
00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:10.680
dull thud of him hitting the ground. I could practically hear Zero grinding his

412
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:14.359
teeth to powder as he tattled to
the mods. We really didn't care enough

413
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:17.279
to do anything. Well, well, could they possibly do it and break

414
00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:22.440
any rules? Surprisingly, I barely
heard anything from Golden Harle's player, just

415
00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:26.839
a simple PM saying well played,
fair what good? Good for Golden Harllle's

416
00:28:26.839 --> 00:28:30.480
player. Yeah, I almost felt
sorry that he had to meet his end

417
00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:32.799
like that. Honestly, if I
was the player, it'd have been like,

418
00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:34.599
all right, that was pretty wicked. That was pretty cool. I

419
00:28:34.599 --> 00:28:37.880
got a hand it to you,
you know what? Fair play. Yeah.

420
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:41.119
After that, we were pretty much
free to keep going until we hit

421
00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:44.160
another village. Zero couldn't get to
us there, so no shield and no

422
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:48.079
bullshit. We could finally rest.
Well, maybe we were still broke and

423
00:28:48.119 --> 00:28:52.000
there was a small army of players
after us. Apparently Golden Hall was a

424
00:28:52.039 --> 00:28:55.720
pretty popular character, and by killing
him, we were now at the top

425
00:28:55.720 --> 00:29:00.920
of everyone's hit list. Oh fantastic
squids. Slept in an alley and I

426
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:03.599
kept watch trying to get a plan
together. We basically had come to a

427
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:07.119
sort of unspoken agreement. Squid was
tired of Zero shit, and so was

428
00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:11.000
I. We wanted him dead and
broken. The problem was that too low

429
00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:15.559
level characters could do fuck all against
the guy. His level was literally Lictid

430
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:21.160
as an infinity sign, which is
again this this game is this game is

431
00:29:21.160 --> 00:29:23.680
bad. But yeah, okay,
so what is all just with that asterisk

432
00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:27.559
next to everything? When Squid took
watch, I read over the fluff of

433
00:29:27.559 --> 00:29:32.359
the setting looking for something, anything, that can help us. I found

434
00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:36.400
it in the city of Haven.
Haven was the second biggest city in the

435
00:29:36.440 --> 00:29:40.079
setting, just barely smaller than Zero's
place. It was kind of a big

436
00:29:40.119 --> 00:29:42.599
deal though. See it was home
to the spirit Well, it was a

437
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:47.400
font of power that everyone flocked to. As long as you were in Haven,

438
00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:52.920
your spirit points recharged instantly up to
your cap. Oh no, I

439
00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:57.720
didn't have a cap. Oh.
I still wonder how anybody in their right

440
00:29:57.759 --> 00:30:02.640
mind missed this little detail overflowing spirit. It was just set up so perfectly.

441
00:30:02.920 --> 00:30:04.920
Maybe I was being a massive bat
guy for exploiting this like I did,

442
00:30:04.920 --> 00:30:07.599
but I don't really care. I
think so. I think you were

443
00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.559
within your right. At this point, you earned it right. Everyone was

444
00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:15.400
after you. Yeah, everyone but
a few people were complete assholes, and

445
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:18.240
I wanted their little club destroyed.
It was petty, it was stupid.

446
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:22.960
It was probably hurtful to a few
people. But Ed Guardeddough had a mission

447
00:30:22.359 --> 00:30:26.839
and a guy called Squid was going
to help him see it through if they

448
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:30.160
ever got to Haven in one piece. I swear we were the only two

449
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:33.519
people following the traveling rules because the
horde of players chasing us caught up a

450
00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:37.440
lot quicker than they should have.
We had half a day rest before we

451
00:30:37.480 --> 00:30:41.400
had to hit the road again.
I was useless without a build up of

452
00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:44.400
spirit, and Squeak could only offend
all so many people before he died.

453
00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:48.319
The only route to Haven was a
long, winding road through the mountains,

454
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:51.319
and we'd be ambushed if we tried
to set up camp anywhere. It would

455
00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:53.519
take too long and time wasn't on
their side. So ed Guarded, though,

456
00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:59.279
had a crazy idea. What if
they climbed over the mountains? It

457
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:03.200
was basically sue and the random events
were especially harsh in that terrain. No

458
00:31:03.240 --> 00:31:07.519
one could follow us. After all, something might happen to their super special

459
00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:14.640
characters and specialist spelled spe s h
u l they're super special characters. Squid

460
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:18.160
was on board, and he brought
up an interesting point. The mods were

461
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:22.000
ignoring us. Everyone was so pissed
off at us, but in the grand

462
00:31:22.039 --> 00:31:26.119
scheme of things, we hadn't really
done anything major. We killed the grand

463
00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:30.640
total of two characters through sheer luck
and broken mechanics, and I had basically

464
00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:33.440
given their idle Zero a giant middle
finger for simply surviving as long as I

465
00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:41.559
had, and Zero could onlys suck
so much colk do just get tiring after

466
00:31:41.559 --> 00:31:48.480
a while, your jaw starts to
hurt, so we start climbing, making

467
00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:51.359
rolls and getting through by the skin
of our teeth. Every once in a

468
00:31:51.400 --> 00:31:53.839
while a mod would glance over and
make shit hard for us, but overall

469
00:31:53.880 --> 00:31:57.039
we didn't have that much trouble.
That's because Tumpa was waiting for us on

470
00:31:57.079 --> 00:32:00.920
the other side of the mountain.
Of course, it was from our perch

471
00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:05.039
we got a view of the players
coming for us. There was no way

472
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:07.599
we could take them all, and
if we waited, they just get to

473
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:09.880
have in and wait for us there
and then there was the guy waiting just

474
00:32:09.960 --> 00:32:15.599
underneath us Golden Harrel back from the
dead. They must have fished him out

475
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:17.599
of the canyon that had him rest. Or maybe he survived the fall and

476
00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:22.400
healed. Who knows. We know
he saw us, but he didn't move.

477
00:32:22.680 --> 00:32:24.119
He could have just jumped up at
any time he wanted and murdered us

478
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:29.200
right then and there, but he
didn't unexpected how I. After a while,

479
00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:32.200
Squid got tired of waiting. He
climbed down and Edgardadough followed to have

480
00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:36.559
his back in case things went south. Squid asked him what he wanted.

481
00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:39.960
Golden Harrel just wanted to talk.
Turns out he had more to his story

482
00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:44.759
than we knew about. Golden Horror
was in this role play just as long

483
00:32:44.759 --> 00:32:47.519
as Zero was, and frankly,
he was tired of Zero's shit. Yes,

484
00:32:49.319 --> 00:32:52.519
yes, yes yes, Goldenhaer earned
everything he had and didn't need the

485
00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:57.200
resort to whin into the mods to
get what he wanted. When he asked

486
00:32:57.240 --> 00:33:00.000
why he tried to kill us,
he said he was either followed Zero's or

487
00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:02.720
orders or get his shit shoved in
you know, one on one fight.

488
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:07.279
Golden Harle just couldn't compete, mainly
because Zero could do whatever the fuck he

489
00:33:07.319 --> 00:33:09.240
wanted, and though I'm bad than
I, after we killed him, he

490
00:33:09.319 --> 00:33:13.720
was basically done. He was satisfied
with it with the ending he got,

491
00:33:13.720 --> 00:33:16.400
but instead Zero revived him and sent
them to kill us again. Golden Harral

492
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:22.599
had other plans, though Squid was
suspicious, but I believed him. I'm

493
00:33:22.599 --> 00:33:24.400
still not sure why. Maybe I
was desperate, but I told them our

494
00:33:24.440 --> 00:33:29.880
planned. Technically I told everyone our
plan and it was as it was in

495
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:32.799
one of the public threads. I'm
an idiot assuming, Yes, this is

496
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:36.480
like the only real indication we have
of like what kind of game this was.

497
00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:38.640
So I still don't know if this
is like purely discord or you know,

498
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:42.559
how old the story is this?
This looks like it was posted in

499
00:33:42.599 --> 00:33:47.640
twenty thirteen. Yeah, so like
was discoorded. It might have been Skype

500
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:52.039
or one of those third party like
I think less, some sort of forum

501
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:57.039
based thing where like everything's public.
So yeah, there's so a relic from

502
00:33:57.039 --> 00:34:00.599
the old bay. Yes, so
it's never really clear what the physical mechanics

503
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:04.440
of playing this game war, but
that's not importing as the story's fucking great.

504
00:34:04.799 --> 00:34:07.279
Golden Harl said he would get us
to have him. His story was

505
00:34:07.319 --> 00:34:09.199
over and he ceased giving a single
fuck about what anyone else had to say

506
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:14.239
about his He only had one condition. We had to promise to kill Zero

507
00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:19.320
and end this once and for all. Yes, Edgardadough and Squid agreed.

508
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:22.400
This is our only shot, and
we weren't about to throw it away.

509
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:25.960
A massive shit storm erupted from the
player base as we joined up with Golden

510
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:30.199
Harrel. Zero called him a trader
to everything the role play stood for,

511
00:34:30.760 --> 00:34:35.280
and everyone made such a fuss that
the mods nearly banned the guy Ah so

512
00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:38.320
close were nearly there. Golden Harrel
had a bit of a sway with the

513
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:42.639
mods too, and he got lucky
as shit when they took his side and

514
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:45.960
he pointed out that he had done
nothing wrong with the mods appeased. That

515
00:34:46.119 --> 00:34:50.000
just left the army of players gunning
for us. The second we hit the

516
00:34:50.039 --> 00:34:52.239
road, they were on us.
There was no fucking around anymore, and

517
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:57.079
the travel rules were basically out of
the picture. A horde of superpowered loaners

518
00:34:57.079 --> 00:35:00.360
and misfits charged towards us, flinging
fire and let and all manner of weapons,

519
00:35:00.760 --> 00:35:05.000
all of them driven by their singular
hatred of Edgarda. Though a guy

520
00:35:05.079 --> 00:35:09.760
called Squid and the trader Golden Harral, Golden Horral whether the tide, taking

521
00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:15.199
kunai and fireballs and shadow spears without
so much as flinching, because fuck you,

522
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:19.119
he's Golden Horrel. God bless him
right, Honestly, that's some divine

523
00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:22.079
protection on him right there for some
reason, And I think it's just because

524
00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:24.079
the name is similar. I'm picturing
him as Goldar from Original Power Rangers.

525
00:35:25.239 --> 00:35:30.280
Same here on. Me and Squid
ran behind Golden Harral as he cleared a

526
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:32.719
path getting us to the other side
of the army. As we kept going

527
00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:37.199
down the path, Golden Harral stayed
behind, covering our escape. To this

528
00:35:37.320 --> 00:35:38.960
day, I do not know if
he survives or not. I will never

529
00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:44.039
forget his bravery. Since everyone else
was doing it. We ignored the shrave

530
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:47.880
of rules ourselves, arriving and having
nearly instantly zero bitch, nobody hurt him.

531
00:35:49.079 --> 00:35:52.719
Good fucky zero Fuck this guy.
There was one last obstacle, though,

532
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:58.119
one last player, King k H
A I n E. Of course,

533
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:01.199
the King is already an edgy name
because he do it, even more

534
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:07.000
because he's a white middle Scholler Caine, the Shadow answer this fucking guy.

535
00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:14.159
Somebody read the Bible. I see
like this fucking guy. He had a

536
00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:17.760
power letting him control shadow. His
interpretation of what this actually did was very,

537
00:36:19.079 --> 00:36:22.719
very loose. It always says,
love it. And since he was

538
00:36:22.719 --> 00:36:25.920
in Haven, he could abuse this
like nobody's business. As soon as we

539
00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:30.199
set foot in the cities, Squid
and Me instantly got paralyzed. We call

540
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:34.719
him on this bullshit. Not sure
why I control the darkness in people's hearts,

541
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:42.280
the darkness in everyone's soul. You
are mine, he continues, and

542
00:36:42.360 --> 00:36:49.159
I quote, oh, eat a
bag of dicks. Squid tells him that's

543
00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:51.880
not how it works. Caine isn't
listening because it's his power, and he

544
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:55.159
says, that's how it works.
And where Meanwhile, I just sit back

545
00:36:55.159 --> 00:37:00.920
and ask myself a question. Why
can't I hold all this spirit, spend

546
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:06.920
infinite spirit, break Caine's hold grace
for whining? How you can't resist me?

547
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:10.639
The darkness is in everyone's heart.
I'm just a pure little bean.

548
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:16.039
Though, Okay, it's Edgardo's turn
to be cheesy. You are wrong.

549
00:37:16.440 --> 00:37:21.239
My soul is a shining beacon,
filled with a light and a burning hope

550
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:24.239
that no shadow can touch. It
is a pinpoint of justice, a shining

551
00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:28.840
star, that will deliver freedom to
the universe. I will root out the

552
00:37:28.920 --> 00:37:31.920
darkness, the evil of this land. No shadow will be spared my light.

553
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:37.719
Caine just can't comprehend how he's about
to lose. He tries to shadow

554
00:37:37.719 --> 00:37:42.360
prouse this thing again. No cell, infinite spirit, Who the hell do

555
00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:45.639
you think you're dealing with? Ohait, no wrong voice? Who the hell

556
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:50.760
do you think you're dealing with?
Banzai swift, uppercut, battle cry,

557
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:55.960
unlimited raw spirit, punch. Caine
gets punched. Yes, Caine gets punched

558
00:37:55.960 --> 00:38:02.320
into the sun. Yes on the
Sun, home boy. Cue shit being

559
00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:07.199
lost by absolutely everyone again. Squid
is okay. We rest up and figure

560
00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:09.880
out our next move. My ultrapower
only works if I'm in Haven. That

561
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:14.639
doesn't do us a lot of good. Squid finds out that Haven's unlimited spirit

562
00:38:14.679 --> 00:38:19.159
effect lingers for a day after we
leave. Zero is weeks away in his

563
00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:22.239
city. More players are on their
way to Haven, and even though I

564
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:24.039
have infinite Spirit, I can only
use it to punch people. I'll get

565
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:29.000
killed. Eventually, we're basically stuck
until I notice that we've leveled up.

566
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:31.079
I don't really give a fuck about
my stats at this point, but there's

567
00:38:31.119 --> 00:38:37.800
a power that really catches my eye. Teleportation. I have exactly enough points

568
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:40.559
to purchase it. Normally I wouldn't
have enough spirit to use it, but

569
00:38:40.679 --> 00:38:45.039
haven so it works. Squid upgraded
his fire punch. It was a good

570
00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:49.760
way to go. I tell Squid
that he can stay behind. This is

571
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:52.679
going to be dangerous, that we
might not come back. He tells me

572
00:38:52.760 --> 00:38:54.920
that he's with me to the end, and he intends to see things through

573
00:38:55.320 --> 00:38:59.559
and that he's got my back no
matter what. In the middle of town

574
00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:05.039
square edguarded though and a guy called
Squid shared a sweaty, shirtless muscly man

575
00:39:05.159 --> 00:39:09.000
hug for all the world to see, and happy pride everybody, uh and

576
00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:14.400
and and, quoting the story here
verbatim, it was super homo. Yes,

577
00:39:14.960 --> 00:39:20.000
yes, homo a little. I
think this is coming out the last

578
00:39:20.039 --> 00:39:22.639
day of Jews, so happy,
so we'll put a cap on Pride with

579
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:29.440
this one, happy bride. I'm
just gonna say it again, it was

580
00:39:29.519 --> 00:39:31.840
super homo. Actually, we just
had to be touching it so I could

581
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:37.280
teleport us both. But shut up, Yeah it works. We ride outside

582
00:39:37.320 --> 00:39:39.320
the city and the shield was still
up. Zero mocked us, saying that

583
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:44.199
he was invincible behind this wall and
that we couldn't do anything. This shield

584
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:47.079
can withstand a thousand times the force
of anything that could possibly throw at it.

585
00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:53.440
People just keep forgetting raw spirit can't
be resisted by anything. I'll just

586
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:58.840
have to hit it a thousand times
harder bums. I I still flinch whenever

587
00:39:58.840 --> 00:40:02.039
I remember typing that so damn cheesy. It's so good though. It really

588
00:40:02.119 --> 00:40:08.559
is one more battle cry, blow
infinite spirit and nothing. Excuse me,

589
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:14.440
not a damn thing, no wrong. Zero refused to post an actual RP

590
00:40:14.639 --> 00:40:17.519
after that. I think he had
a stroke or something. He posted plenty

591
00:40:17.559 --> 00:40:22.480
of the discussion threads, though everyone
did. The entire community spammed the forums,

592
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:28.880
declaring that I should be banned,
flayed, and hung from my Shenanigans.

593
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:30.440
The next day, when I tried
to log in, I found that

594
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:35.480
the forums have been shut down due
to popular opinion. I never saw a

595
00:40:35.519 --> 00:40:39.159
Squid after that. We never exchanged
emails or anything. I like to think

596
00:40:39.159 --> 00:40:44.039
that Edgarddough is still frozen in that
moment in time, his fist crashing through

597
00:40:44.079 --> 00:40:49.079
the shield and connecting with Zero's big
stupid face, and Edgardo is smiling.

598
00:40:49.639 --> 00:40:53.880
He won. He and Squid and
Golden harle they won. They really fucking

599
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:58.159
did. Yeah, they did.
That's incredible. That is the ballad of

600
00:40:58.239 --> 00:41:01.719
Edgardough. Oh my god, that
doesn't That isn't epic bordering on like the

601
00:41:01.800 --> 00:41:05.000
Odyssey. It's not D and D. But tell me, this is one

602
00:41:05.039 --> 00:41:09.400
of the greatest RPCE stories. I
love this story. I love doing this

603
00:41:09.440 --> 00:41:14.079
episode because I hadn't read this story
in a long time and I forgot how

604
00:41:14.280 --> 00:41:19.159
just just just beautiful, just beautiful
it is, and the pie is funny.

605
00:41:19.320 --> 00:41:22.000
I'm going to put a link to
this is a screen cap of all

606
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:24.400
the original four chance stuff. Is
I even on one of the D and

607
00:41:24.440 --> 00:41:29.599
D or roleplay subreddits. I'm finding
this on our Slaze Green Text put it

608
00:41:29.639 --> 00:41:32.360
on our website. So I'm calling
for Chane Walking for this. Well,

609
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:37.119
don't chan No, I'm gonna post
the screenshot of this whole thing, which

610
00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:38.199
is what I read it from.
So it's good enough. We'll post that

611
00:41:38.199 --> 00:41:43.480
in the show notes. But oh
man, what was your what was your

612
00:41:43.480 --> 00:41:47.719
favorite part? Greg? Oh?
My favorite part is going toward uh switching

613
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:52.119
sides, because it's absolutely you can
you can feel in horror, going in

614
00:41:52.159 --> 00:41:58.679
horror, sorry, you can feel
the fire is just I'm done. I

615
00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:06.400
had you out played me like any
legit, and he went fairly by outlaid

616
00:42:06.440 --> 00:42:07.440
him. Yeah. That was like, yeah, that's just a welt just

617
00:42:07.679 --> 00:42:12.360
that was my favorite was actually got
kicked off the off the cliff. That

618
00:42:12.519 --> 00:42:16.599
was great. I also very much
like when they were like, mods aren't

619
00:42:16.719 --> 00:42:21.960
looking, Yeah, we can just
do whatever, and then you have your

620
00:42:22.039 --> 00:42:27.360
training montage. It's it's the whole
story is beautiful from beginning to end,

621
00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:30.159
because this is somebody that knows like, Okay, they're gonna fuck with us

622
00:42:30.159 --> 00:42:34.840
no matter what we do, so
we might as well have fun with it.

623
00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:37.079
Yeah, my favorite part had to
be I mean, there's so many

624
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:40.840
funny moments in here. Punching him
into the sun. Yeah, I think

625
00:42:40.840 --> 00:42:45.320
that's that's why I lost. That's
why I can read it. This sneaking

626
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:51.639
gets punched into this deserved to be
punched into the sun. I controlled the

627
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:54.960
darkness in your heart, shut the
up and like, I stand by that

628
00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:59.840
voice of thousand percent because you know
someone who controls the darkness, that little

629
00:43:00.159 --> 00:43:07.159
nippling that's Mandarth. Well, god
stop, that controlled the darkness speedy my

630
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:14.480
love. Oh man, I've made
them even less threatening, So I want

631
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:16.960
to do more classic tales from the
Internet, like about playing tales from the

632
00:43:16.960 --> 00:43:20.360
Internet like this. Do I know
a couple more at the top of my

633
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:22.679
head. But if there's any that
like that that you the listener want us

634
00:43:22.719 --> 00:43:25.760
to read and uh and share,
and especially if it's one I never heard

635
00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:29.760
of, please send it over.
I want to read this thing. This

636
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:31.280
was a blast, is well my
favorite episodes we've done yet. Yeah,

637
00:43:31.320 --> 00:43:34.559
so I'm glad this worked out because
I did not know how this was going

638
00:43:34.639 --> 00:43:37.800
to go. Any party thoughts,
guys, Yeah, don't be a shithead

639
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.559
and you won't get fucking launched into
this hunt. But if you're surrounded by

640
00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:49.199
shitheads, become the embodiment of chaos. My party thought is banzai. Guys,

641
00:43:49.239 --> 00:43:52.679
thanks for listening. Well, see
you next time. Bye bye.

642
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:59.480
Thank you for listening to Communtions and
Jackens. Please share this with your favorite

643
00:43:59.519 --> 00:44:02.599
adventure, leave a review on Apple, and follow us on social media.

644
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:08.079
All links can be found at Curmudgeons
and Dragons dot com. Practice Safe Adventuring

645
00:44:08.119 --> 00:44:08.719
my Friends,